Looming Large: The U.S. turned blue on Nov. 8, but Florida is gray, thanks to new state leaders Crist and McCollum

Commentary by D.K. Roberts

You are tempted to gloat. Powerfully tempted. After all, you have just seen the Democratic Party take over the Congress. You have just seen George W. Bush, mere hours after predicting Republican victories, derided and needled by the very White House Press Corps that used to treat him with monarchial deference. You have just seen George “Macaca” Allen lose his seat because he’s too stupid not to be racist. You have just seen Rick “Rhythm Method” Santorum lose his seat because he said if we allow gays to be married, the next thing we know, people will want to marry goats. You have just seen Mark “Bless Me, Father” Foley hiding out in rehab (perhaps at a goat ranch) while even Florida voters (and we’re not known for our smarts) refused to swallow his low-rent replacement. You have just seen Donald Rumsfeld, author of destruction and death in Iraq, fired. You have just seen Katherine Harris beaten like a rented mule in her moronic attempt to become a United States senator. And in a stunning example of karmic payback, you have just seen Katherine Harris’ old congressional district headed for a recount and maybe even a court case.

You have not, of course, seen Dick Cheney. Hardly surprising. He’s holed up in an undisclosed location – also known as the Cave of Doctor E-vil – planning his horrid revenge. Or counting his Halliburton money.

Still, don’t gloat. It’s not nice. It’s not how you were raised. That’s how Republicans were raised, and you don’t want to descend to their level.

Besides, great big hairy fun though it will surely be to watch Democrats get shed of John Bolton and shoot down psycho-fascist judicial nominees, and raise the minimum wage, and launch investigations into the lying and thieving and corruption that has characterized this administration, and roll back the tax cuts for the pornographically-rich, and repeal the tax breaks for oil companies, and maybe even force the EPA to start protecting the environment for a change – cool as all this will be, you don’t want to get too comfortable, too optimistic. That miserable ass George Bush is still president. Tricky Dick Cheney will still be running the White House. People will still be tortured at Guantanamo. Rumsfeld will be replaced by another fossil from Bush 41’s reign – this one a warmonger up to his jaundiced Texan eyeballs in the Iran-Contra scandal. And here in Florida, Bill McCollum, will still be attorney general.

I know: I just brought you down. Way down. McCollum, you recall, is the Himmlerian ex-congressman who went after Bill Clinton like seventeenth century witchfinders went after eccentric old ladies with black cats. And what did Clinton do wrong? He got a blow job. Now McCollum will be in charge of making sure that Floridians receive equal protection under the law and don’t get screwed by corporations. He probably wants to be governor, too – governor, fuhrer, Duce – after Little Miss Sunshine (Charlie Crist, I mean) decides to take his tan to Washington. Pray that Alex Sink, that brilliant descendant of the famed Siamese Twins Chang and Eng, will take him on when the time comes.

The circus has always been good training for Florida government.

Moreover, if you’re counting on the good times here rolling a Democrat into the White House in 2008, Hillary, Edwards, Bayh, whomever, remember that the Party of Social Justice – God bless it – has a year to screw everything up. Not that it usually takes them anything like that long.

Look, I’m trying to be cautious here: lower expectations. You have to bear in mind George Bush, Tricky Dick, Bill McCollum. Charlie Crist. His Tan. No gloating.

And yet . . .