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Twenty ways they love me and my funny, but not gay Valentine
By Ellie Caldwell
"All the world loves a lover," especially on Valentine's Day, but it helps if you have a certain edge. And "straight" certainly qualifies. The world is a different place for me than for my lesbian friends. A little like my trying to see around blinders, this list is an attempt to examine privilege and increase awareness. It started out to be "Fifty Ways," but you'll have to add the rest on your own, since I guess I'm not quite that aware yet.
1. I can walk down any street anywhere holding hands with my husband and no one blinks an eye.
2. We can exchange hugs and light kisses in public to say hello or goodbye and think nothing of it.
3. We have total unawareness of sitting close to each other or in other ways communicating that we're an old married couple.
4. There is great ease with which "my husband" can be said in casual conversations fifty times a day even with someone I've just met.
5. We are assumed to be solid citizens. People want our business.
6. When our children were young, other parents were fine with having their children spend time at our house.
7. Teachers were eager for me to be room mother or sign me up to chaperone field trips.
8. We never get funny looks from motel clerks.
9. Clerks never follow me in stores.
10. Cops have often let me off with a warning.
11. People almost never assume I'm up to no good.
12. I never wonder what people are thinking regarding my private life.
13. Because I wear a wedding ring, I can dress without thinking about looking "mannish" or "feminine."
14. I can have short or long hair and can act assertively or deferential without thinking I might be labeled or rejected.
15. My neighbors have always been quite friendly for the most part.
16. My children never heard disparaging remarks about their parents.
17. No one has ever said "you people" to me.
18. No one ever crosses the street when they see me coming.
19. My mother was happy when I said I wanted to marry my best friend.
20. Every day in a hundred ways, I fulfill other people's expectations of who I am, without even being aware of it.
Ellie Caldwell is a writer in Wellington, Florida.
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